Bronx Garden

Map of The United States – Revamped

Shellnyce635 — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:21:15 +0000

Stupid Red Neck tourist amazes Euorpean Tourists…. with stupidity

Shellnyce635 — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 17:34:09 +0000

So I was just in my favorite deli getting lunch. NYC is filled with moronic tourists because of easter break. So heres the perfect example….

Woman steps up to deli and says in the deepest Texarkanlahoma accent. “Kin I get me ona theym American Subs”

So I look over and its a 50 something lady with a Kate Goselin hair cut, white cotton nurse pants, BRAND new sneakers and a fake tan.

As the deli guy goes to grab one of the pre-made subs she goes… “Oh wait… it says it has Russian Dreesin on it. What is Russian Dressin?” Being a great deli guy he puts a sample in little cup and gives it to her. “Oh my gawd its red”

Deli guy – “Yes its good…kind of sweet”

Red Neck Lady – “I’ll pass, it smells kind of funny” “Can you take the dressing of the sandwich?”

Deli Guy – “No its pre-made”

Red Neck Lady – “Good Lawrd Why would Yall put foreign dressing on an American Sub”

Meanwhile 2 sets of Euorpean tourists on both sides of her are looking at her like she is possibly the dumbest thing they have ever seen. So I’m standing there waiting for my wrap, embarassed for my own country as the European tourists start chatting away with each other in whatever foreign language, undoubtedly making fun of the Moronic American tourist who is actually IN America.

Just when I thought it was all over the Red Neck Lady points at the Cheesecake in the glass case and about as loudly as you could imagine asks “Excuse may sir. Is that New York Style Cheese Cake?”

European Toursists on both sides BURST OUT LAUGHING.

By the way, next time your in New York City, check out Deli 53 on 53rd West of 6th. Get a sandwhich and dont ask stupid questions.

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Google Ads are Fucked Up sometimes

Shellnyce635 — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 15:53:29 +0000

So anyone else thing there is something wrong with an Ad for smoked ribs at the bottom of an article about how some teenagers killed, burned and stuff the remains of another teenager in to buckets. MMmmmm ribs. Thanks google for being tasteless once again.

Who wants some ribs?

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Ghost Chili seeds sprout (5 weeks early?)

Shellnyce635 — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 03:16:08 +0000

So in just over a week, I have Ghost Chili seeds germanating. What gives?! According to the directinos that came with the seeds it takes 5-6 weeks for Ghost Chili seeds to germanate.

Ghost Chili Germanation

Chili Sprouts

Ghost Chili sprouts in seed starter kit

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Project – “Ghost Chili”

Shellnyce635 — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 03:00:40 +0000

A couple months ago I was laying on the beach in the Bahamas flipping through a “Smithsonian Magazine” and stumbled across an article about the hottest chili pepper in the world. According to the article the pepper grows wild in the mountains of India and has long been known by the natives as Bhut Jolokia or Naga Jolokia. The translation means “Ghost Chili”. So hot, that if you eat it, it will make you into a ghost. My interest was immediately sparked. According to the article, the natives use this super pepper to repel wild pacaderms from eating their gardens. Why do I need a pepper capable of repeling wild elephants you ask? Well… its the Bronx.. .anything to repel crack heads or the occasional dog that might decided to piss on my front lawn is a welcome addition to my Bronx Garden (like how I worked the name of the website into this article?!) I quickly went and googled “ghost chili” in the hopes I could buy a plant somewhere. Amazon had a guy selling some sort of seed kit but his ratings were so terrible I quickly moved on and found a guy based out of California who sells many types of exotic chili pepper seeds. His name is JimDuffy and he runs www.superhotchilis.com .

I ordered a packaged (10) of Ghost Chili seeds. Jim sells these seeds for a premium ( about $15) but also includes a bunch of other seeds. After about a week my seeds showed up in an envelope shipped through the regular mail. Inside where my Ghost Chili seeds as well as a bunch of other seeds (thanks Jim!) .

The envelope included very good directions as well as packages of “Jamaican Yellow Mushroom Peppers” , “Chocolate Habanero Peppers” and even a package of “Red Savina Peppers” (which I had long thought to be the hottest pepper in the world). Peppers are measured in Scoville Units. This is basically the heat you experience when you heat a hot pepper. For a long time it was thought the hottest chili pepper was about 500,000 Scovilles. After testing Bhut Jolokia samples from several different regions, it was discovered that they are about 1,000,000 Scovilles. That’s DOUBLE what we thought was the hottest.

I planted the seeds in a seed starting setup that I purchased from Park Seed earlier this season to get some tomato seeds started. The directions state that Ghost Chili seeds can take up to 6 weeks to germinate but that some Camamile Tea can help speed the germination process. I didnt feel like bothering with tea and assumed that the tea is used purely for its mild acid content. So I just diluted some Orchid Food and soaked the seed starter inserts in that instead.

Seed starting inserts soaking in diluted orchid food

So the seeds are planted and put in the window. I’ll keep you all posted on what happens next….

So… Hopefully I’ll get some plants going in time for the tail end of this summers growing season. Check back in about 4 weeks for an update!

If your interested in purchasing chili seeds, contact this guy…

Jim Duffy

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We Love Hate Mail

Shellnyce635 — Tue, 04 May 2010 14:33:20 +0000

Holy Crapola! BronxGarden.com woud like to congratulate Randy Koger for our most recent hate mail “comment” in regards out our AeroGarden review. It seems Mr. Koger was dis-heartened by our “snarky” “Shmuck-like” review. The irony here is this guy spent time to write me a comment to let me know what a piece of crap I am. Rest assured I know my job is done when a reader feels so strongly that they take the time to not only leave me a hateful comment, but they are fluently able to work the word “aint” into their prose ( prose means meants wrytin wurds Mr. Koger). Anyway, keep that there hate mail a comin. Thats what makes this here world go around.

PS: I suspect this might be the same guy who crapped his pants in the tazer posted below.

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Its Lawn Mowin Time again

Shellnyce635 — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 20:53:48 +0000

Thats right folks. Summers coming and its lawn mowin time again and there are a few things you need to know.

1. You can not and should not drive your ride-on mower in the road.

2. If you are on your mower in the road (en route to Oyster Shack) dont drink whiskey.

3. If you get tasered, there is a chance you will crap your pants.

Hillybilly On Riding Mower Tasered – Watch more Funny Videos

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Worst Parent in the world spotted today in Union Square, NYC

Shellnyce635 — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 19:35:43 +0000

This woman is either selling baby parts or has her child in one of the most dangerous contraptions ever. Not sure how anyone ever thought this was a good idea. She surely must be European because this could never be sold in the US.

Worst mother on planet takes her lifeless baby for a stroll

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SeaWorld should serve whale burgers

Shellnyce635 — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 15:01:23 +0000

Came across this picture of some SeaWorld PR person briefing the media on the what they already knew. They have a whale that has killed about 4 people now. Personally I think whales belong in the ocean and if you want to pay money see them… get on a friggin boat. But SeaWorld thinks its better entertainment to have their trainers turned into whale turds. So now they have a whale that cant be returned to the wild and its career of doing tricks for tourists is over. So what do you do? I think they should hire the some Japanese whalers to come in, harpoon that sucker right in the tank and fire up the barbee. Maybe if the other whales watch tourists get down on some whale meat sandwiches, they will think twice before they attack another trainer. Just my .02.

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Newburgh – More bounce than flubber

Shellnyce635 — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 21:53:03 +0000

So I grew up in Newburgh, NY which was featured on the front page of several papers across the US today. Why you ask? Cause its a ghetto shithole filled with scumbag thugs that collect welfare and like to gang bang. You can rest assure your tax dollars are helping these same people buy new sneakers, McDonalds, 40s, guns and drugs directly through our useless welfare program. Its so bad the FBI has thrown the Newburgh problem on our brilliant presidents desk for help. Good luck with that one!

All you have to do is eliminate welfare my friends. Its as easy as that. If your caught buying or selling drugs, prostituting, stealing or getting involved in gang activity, then your welfare gets suspended for 12 months. If your caught with an illegal firearm, your welfare gets suspended for 5 years. There. Bam. Solution done. You can dam well bet gang bangers will be putting down their “gats” and picking up mops if they thought for a second they weren’t gonna gets their check at the end of the momf.

Here’s the full article on our lovely City of Newburgh.

http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100306/NEWS/3060326

“Newburgh” – by Angel

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